Friday, December 27, 2013

Arcs & the point called I...

As wide as the blue canopy
I etched the far arc first
Then the near arc
Smaller than my microcosm

The far arc was too far
Confounded I stood still.
The near one too close
But I never gave up the drill.

Sketching arcs like a madman
On a canvas that shifts like fog on quicksand.
Searching for that perfect point
That would mean I; perhaps only at that instant.

The arcs play among themselves
Hoping to find that illusory point.
Crisscrossing out into forever,
Building bridges to points unknown.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Shalimar the clown - A review

Well,writing a review for Salman Rushdie or any such heavyweight is like telling Lata where all did she falter in her rendition and how square should the bat be for a square drive to Sachin.
However, since I spent close to two weeks reading it please let me feel like a John Updike or a Pankaj Mishra for sometime.
The whole book is divided into five sections – India, Boonyi, Max, Shalimar the clown and Kashmira.
Generally, in three of the sections namely – Boonyi, Max, Shalimar the clown…Rushdie pirouettes, dives, scoops, trapezes, somersaults with words as usual, conjures magic, casts spells, philosophizes and paints such a romantic picture on his canvas that you are spellbound by this man’s capability to conjure up what is call magical realism. In another breath you can say he has at times brandished his genre and capability in that art a little too much. Perhaps, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and James Joyce from whom Rushdie sought his magical realism inspiration, both would wince at such an opulent magical realism if they were to read it.

 In fact, this piece of his has a lot more sanity and coherence than ‘The Satanic Verses’(understood just 30-40% of it because it insanely shuttles between myriad scenes, settings and locales. Its allusions to Greek Mythology to the characters from British soaps and advertisements and more…my own low general awareness being one of the major factors) or for that matter even ‘Midnight’s children’(Midnight’s children would score heavily in terms of the narrative which is not as fragmented). ‘Shalimar the clown’ reads like a different book in the first and last chapter. In the interregnum is where he justifies his literary giant status.

One problem with his allusions, references and opulent, at times forced magical realism is that his characters become puppets and that quells the development of multi -dimensions in the characters. A touch of lyrical quality in his writing, he careens a lot towards determinism which makes it awkward to take with his liberalism. With references of Rahu-Ketu the invisible antagonistic forces shaping up things and other invisible phantoms, sorcery, demons and prognostications he renders his characters helpless. Perhaps, that is the worldview he wants to share with us and to an extent most of us would agree that however much we might want to be in control most of it is beyond us.
A little of his usage of portent and omens is a reminder of Shakespeare (whatever little I have read) where certain spooky bizarre events would augur the forthcoming devastation and destruction(It happens on so many occasions in this book . Rushdie does it beautifully and you can at times feel that like an involved raconteur he holds the audience charmed.

The way he shapes up his events and characters(if he shapes them up and doesn’t capture them under the effect of hallucinogens) and proceeds, tells a lot about his outlook having the reference frame of  ‘the butterfly effect i.e. sensitive dependence on initial conditions an important aspect of chaos theory’.
Shalimar the clown can be rated a few notches below Midnight’s children if you consider the whole narrative but if you were to consider a third of the book it has been written by a divine hand and can compare to the best of writings of contemporary literature. Perhaps he borrowed God’s pen to write those parts, if I can overshadow in my flourish the aspect of his atheism.
His inconsistency is the failing of the book. The disappointment is most acute at the end of the book which ends like a B-grade Bollywood movie. Kashmir is forgotten, the tales and travails of the people loses grip on you and you are propelled from a poignant tale of love-betrayal and the tale of Kashmir to an inadequately sketched revenge tale.You can’t but help but remember those revenge sagas of Bollywood and Hollywood and that brings down the divinity.
There are certain anachronisms for  Soap operas on the Television of Harud Yambarzal…Late eighties we never had soaps on tv and moreover there were no ‘item numbers’ then…Abdullah not remembering Firdaus’ birthday is again too urbane an idea for  Kasmiri village folks.
At some places he has ignored some aspects like Hamirdev Kacchawa the army officer remains throughout his career spanning 30 years in Kashmir only. That isn’t the way postings in the armed forces work.
The tale specific ruminations:
The story as it was, should have remained the story of Kashmir which he tells beautifully through…Shalimar the clown, Boonyi, Abdullah, Pyarelal kaul, shiv sagar sharga,zoon misri, nazarebaddor, himal , gonwanti, greego brothers, Max Ophuls, Firdaus, Pamposh, Bombur, Harud, Peggy Ophuls, Kashmira, Hamirdev Kacchawa, Woods,Big man misri, yuvraj, Sardar Harbans…and some others.
Pandit Pyarelal Kaul’s musings and philosophizing is beautifully captured….
Boonyi’s character developed the best, multi dimensional and the one which comes out as living the most.
Shalimar the clown however, doesn’t blossom as a character as much as Boonyi does. You can sense his undying , insane love for Boonyi when he says  after they make love at Khelmarg – “Don’t you leave me now, or I’ll never forgive you, and I’ll have my revenge, I’ll kill you and if you have any childen by another man, I’ll kill the children also” which is taken as a sweet nothing by Boonyi. However, that is the pivot of the whole saga. After Boonyi betrays him despite the exemplary support of Pachigam for their marriage the disappointment, hatred, embarrassment has been a little underplayed. He becomes a senseless zombie in a murderous rage.
That is why Boonyi’s character evokes a lot more response in whatever happens to it.
The episode when Boonyi leaves Kashmir for Delhi and how heart in heart she knows she will never see him again and the way the deal is struck between Max and Boonyi(“Don’t ask for my heart, because I am tearing it away and…..I’ll be heartless but you will not know it because a I’ll be a perfect counterfeit of a loving woman and you ‘ll receive a perfect forgery of love” ) in such a cold manner that it gives the reader a chill and disgust so deep that you can identify with Shalimar the clown’s hatred. The episode beautifully describes her disappointment with her new life and how she misses Kashmir and Pachigam, her folks.
 The episode when Boonyi comes back to Pachigam disgraced…the treatment is super sensitive and Rushdie weaves in gold here. The blizzard, how Boonyi hears nothing and can see shadows dancing around her; ignorance of her father and Zoon’s telling her that they have declared her dead officially and how  the living dead live is very heart rending. Later at night when her father comes over and talks too her from outside in the dead of the night is a heart breaker and could not have been dealt with better. His one way speech about the living dead is a pure magic of imagery, hindu philosophy and Kabir’s philosophy about the living dead. Rushdie has touched the frontiers of excellence here and you can’t help but exult after each paragraph by sheer admiration for the master.
What could have been a tale of  Kashmir by a raconteur who is par excellence
It felt like a forced fusion razzmatazz.
Overall a good reading but as soon as you try and cast Rushdie into some kind of literary Godhood ,Rushdie disappoints. And there is no place for a fallen God in my personal pantheon, at least for now in my ‘personal unenlightened opinion’.

The Third Umpire

The Third Umpire
-Pushkar Gunjan



The ball swung and kissed the tablet which read – "In the memory of Andrew Livemore. February 1936 – September 1998. Live each moment, live forever." And indeed he lived more as per his name as he lived each moment.

Behind the old St Dominique's Church he lay in an open field with hundreds of others, witnessing the cricket matches between the local teams as ardent cricket fans. One part of the field was a burial ground and the other part was a cricket ground.

Andrew was the most involved from amongst his peers, since his epitaph served as the wicket and the wicketkeeper kept it, by standing right above him. It tickled him when Chotu kept wickets and it almost crushed him when Laddoo did. Needless to say that Chotu was just 42 Kgs and Laddoo 142 kgs.

The boys referred to each other with the names of famous cricketers of the time –Sachin, Shoaib, Lee, Dravid, Pathan . He knew most of them and had seen most of them in flourish but who was this Pathan and few more names he hadn't heard of them.

"Must be the new boys- It goes on after all." – he mused and smiled at the thought.

Andrew heard them talk about the players of his time too. Frank Warrel , Conrad Hunt , Alvin Kalicharan, Garfield Sobers, Sunil Gavaskar , Ian Botham , Kapil Dev , Geofferey Boycott and so many more. He couldn't help but get impressed with the trivia they knew.

He felt like joining them at these times with his own stories and trivia like – "You know Conrad Hunt once in case of a stadium fire climbed up the flag staff to save the West Indian flag and the Indian flag!" But like good dead men he knew, dead people live in the graves and the living stay on the ground. He never breached this law.

Andrew shared their anger and disappointment when India lost and also their euphoria and exultation when it won. His wife Julie (February 1936 to October 1998) wasn't as keen a Livemore and often warned him to keep his zest for life in check.

"You'll be in trouble someday. Don't interfere with the God's way of things" – she cautioned him and mostly kept to her circle of friends in the ‘underworld’.

"Huh? It is just that I am still not over with the drunkenness of life and cricket. Ah! Those were the days. God would understand" – he remarked and dreamt of all the colours he could see, all the fragrances he could smell, all the Julie's delicacies he could taste, all the music he had heard and the touch that made him the living. He missed it.

"I shouldn't complain. After all, God has given me a good place to sleep from where I can be a part of it all. Moreover it is just a matter of time when there will be vacancies in the heaven for Julie and Me. Even in such bad times as these, there is a waiting period for the heavens. That is surprising. It must be a small place. Will they have cricket ground there? "- he thought out loud.

"Andy! You have lost it old man." – She chuckled.

"Old man who? You think you are still a pretty young thing?" – He took a jibe

"We are ageless Andy. I told you, you have lost it "-And broke into a laughter.

This infuriated Andrew and they didn't speak for two hours.

Two hours later…

"Julie!" – Andrew called.

No answer. "Julie!" – still no answer.

"Julie! Are you dead?" – Andrew asked thoroughly peeved.

"Yes! And I still say you have lost it" – She said with a winsome smile and they broke into a laughter.

"Hey! we still laugh like newlyweds, lovelorn, love struck." – Julie said.

"Yaa, Forty Two years look like Forty Two blinks. Did I tell you ever that you were wonderful in bed? " – He teased Julie.

"You are a brazen old pig, Andrew!" – She must have blushed pink and Andrew laughed hysterically at that. He rued the fact that he couldn't see that spectacle in the darkness of their world. It was as beautiful in his imagination though.

"You know what Julie?"

"No Andrew, I don't know".

"They have a cricket match today. Salaam's team needs to win this final match to retain its dignity. I am sure he will put everything in this match." – he informed.

"Be careful. That Gabdoo almost broke your ribs when he fell over you in the last match."

"That was fine. You know what, I feel so excited but I can't participate or even cheer. I feel worthless. They are the living." – Andrew added sadly.

"Don't worry you have always mattered on small but decisive moments" – Julie consoled.

In the evening the all important match started and there were enough spectators to make it an event. The air was no less charged than that of a high profile match. There were neutral umpires from different neighborhoods to ensure the fairness of it all. There was palpable excitement in the air and all the players set to give in everything in this tie. The coin was tossed and the winning captain elected to bat.

Through all the ups and downs climax and anti climax, steady innings and innings of flourish, superb catches to the dropped sitters, all of it made it a spectacle to watch. Andrew like an ardent cricketer followed every move, speculated about the next moves and watched every ball that was bowled. All along he wanted to shout ,cheer, express but it was not allowed for the dead to interfere in the affairs of the living. He missed life.

Salaam's team batted first and the the score was 183/6 in 20 overs.The match was a cliff hanger as it went to the last ball. One run one ball and last man of the opposition team on strike.

Heavens! the ball swung and kissed Andrew's epitaph and the batsmen took a run.

"Bowled him!" – Andrew shouted and cheered like in the days of living.

The umpires hadn't seen it, the batsman wasn,t sure. The voice of Andrew although not heard , communicated the decision. The wicketkeeper knew he heard something.

"You are still a spoilt boy ,Andy!" – Julie smiled bewitchingly.

Andrew was exhilarated to have lived a moment with the living. It was worth it.

A rendezvous with realism

 Kept on the lectern in the reading hall of Sahitya Academy library was the constitution of India. With reverence Kabir flipped open the first page and read out loud the preamble..
“We the people of India having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a sovereign, socialist, secular, democratic, republic…..”…embossed in golden monotype corsiva font were the words borrowed and understood from all the noble sources of the world. They sprung out loud in proclamation.  LIBERTY…JUSTICE…EQUALITY…FRATERNITY… How solemn! – He thought.
He felt a surge of pride and honour at the solemnity of those words. The clock struck five as Kabir stepped out of the library precinct. As he approached his car his eyes fell on a poor but dignified couple. He must be a Muslim, Kabir thought judging by his appearance.
Hesitantly, the man gestured for him to come closer. The sun parched face, the gray hair, the lines that age had etched on his face and those beseeching eyes were too compelling to ignore; particularly his eyes. They looked glassy as if the flood of tears were too terrorized to come out and had crystallized to give him a stoned look. Kabir found it unsettling.
The old man and his wife mumbled incoherent phrases a pidgin of Gujrati and Urdu. Whatever Kabir understood was appalling. He had read about the riots, what the media had termed as a pogrom, an ethnic cleansing but all in the unfeeling black ink of newsprint. The images on television were at best disturbing but comfortably distant and it didn’t touch his world. After all, our world is as big as we imagine it to be.
“They destroyed everything in connivance with the ‘sircar’- the government. They maligned my pregnant daughter and once the whole gang was through they hacked her body with swords, and scythes. We even saw the foetus convulse in her. The Hindus burnt alive our three young sons .We fled from that hell. ”- The old man said. The woman hid her face, half in despair and half in prayer.
Kabir felt disgust and in front him those headlines swam in mad animation.”21 cities and 68 districts on communal pyre- Government willfully paralyzed as Gujarat burns- Gang rape, murder, arson ensnares Gujarat- 40,000 Muslims left homeless- Godhra avenged , says a  Hindu fundamentalist leader “
 Sick on waking up to a rendezvous with realism Kabir asked him – “ Baba , what can I do for  you?”
“I used to make idols of Hindu Gods for a living…”- and from what the old man mumbled further with embarrassment Kabir knew he was asking for help. Perhaps the human under layers of insensitivity was still alive in Kabir. He reached for his wallet and was pondering what dole out would befit both the tragedy and his magnanimity. In the midst of a choice between ten rupees and rupees fifty, a voice called him - Kabir!

 Kabir saw Ishita waving excitedly from across the road. They had dated several times in the past month and had found each other’s taste very impressive and sophisticated- be it movies, literature or friends.
With a sudden turn Kabir moved away from the old man a bit unsure, a bit embarrassed towards Ishita and kissed her cheek.
“How have you been? And who are these people?” – Ishita asked.
“Beggars” – Kabir said. He knew his voice had deceived his soul and conscience. LIBERTY…JUSTICE…EQUALITY…FRATERNITY…didn’t sound very solemn and that sanctimonious.
They drove away on the tree lined road and the old man still stood under the statue of Alexander Pushkin. Pushkin and the old man looked on as the car took a turn and was out of sight.
That evening Kabir and Ishita went to a Discothèque, rocking to music and alcohol. After that to an upscale restaurant serving Thai cuisine and then a late night movie called ‘Schindler’s List’, trying hard to understand the tragedy of life through it. The terror in the eyes of a victim was disturbingly similar to that of the old man.

An inflorescence of hundred smiles

An inflorescence of hundred smiles

“Get me Bamboo flowers, I want to see what they look like”- Charis protruded her lower lip in a whimper and looked with those puppy eyes at Arjun.
“What’s that? Come on! What a new obsession this is?” – Arjun asked incredulously.
Arjun arranged the bunch of chrysanthemums that he had brought for Charis in a vase intently taking care of the symmetry. In the past few months he had become Charis’ page boy and jinn, and very willingly so.

Chrysanthemums had fallen out of favour like the fresh litchis had, a week ago. In the month of January she ordered for litchis, not tinned or preserved but farm fresh litchis. This had Arjun flummoxed. No amount of cajoling, coaxing or reasoning would pacify Charis. What she wanted, she wanted and Arjun knew it.

 He called every single dealer, every relative and every friend in the country, but to no avail. Finally a friend studying Chinese at Nehru university got it from his friend’s uncle’s orchard in the Guangdong province of China. It took a week - ten days and Charis raised hell till then. She refused to eat on time; she refused to sleep on time.
However, fulfilling her wishes gave Arjun as much contentment and happiness. He had accepted his role of jinn very gladly. Some other fancies came and went quickly just to be replaced by new ones. Daisies , The Satanic verses, ………..

He got her everything but Bamboo flowers…Good Gods! He had never seen them and whoever he asked looked at him as if he was asking for the magical monkey’s paw.

“Bamboo doesn’t have flowers, Charis!” – He tried to reason it out but pat came the reply complete with information and statistics.
 “It grows every 80 years and there could be species which grow them earlier. I just want to see them. Else I ‘ll not eat.”- Charis concluded the discussion.
“You are impossible!” – Arjun ruffled his hair in despair.
“And classy too” – She smiled and Arjun was bewitched, like the first time when he saw her. It happened every time she smiled.
Like everyone Arjun and Charis thought theirs was a fairytale wedding. They were madly in love and after a lot of squabble between their parents they had their way. The wedding would be as per the rites and rituals of Hindu marriage. It was nothing in the wave of excitement.
When Arjun beheld Charis under the veil of maroon sari with brocade of gold, all the vows that he took in Vedic chants couldn’t have been more truthful…..
And here he was grappling with a new mission - getting Bamboo flowers for Charis which he had never seen.
“There are other flowers…petunia,hibiscus,balsam, chrysanthemum,rose, Lotus….why Bamboo flowers!!” – he thought.
Arjun called up all the florists,agricultural farms ,research institutes, his friends and relatives all over the country and nobody had ever seen Bamboo flowers.
A day ,two days, three days , a week passed by and there was no way Arjun could get Bamboo flowers for his queen.
One evening as he walked by the florist who Charis and Vijay visited very often shouted from behind. Waving frantically he ran towards him and was holding a bamboo shoot with inflorescence on them.
“Here is your Bamboo flower, Sahib” – the florist handed it to Arjun as if it was a rare trophy. And rare trophy it indeed was.
Vijay put a hundred rupee note in his palms and took the flowers.
Looking at them closely he saw hundreds of smiles light the bunch.
“I miss you Charis. I’ll always miss you”. He kissed them as a tear rolled down and perched itself on one of the flowers that smiled on.

Aquamarine Flamingos

Aquamarine Flamingos
- Pushkar Gunjan


Umbrellas were an obsession for Meghna. Sunset yellow, sunrise orange, flaming claret, rich burgundy, smoked crimson, cherry blossom, strawberry pink, azure, polka dots, prints of fruits, animals and flowers and many more filled her closet - an umbrella for all weathers and all moods.

She had tried to find the name of such a manic obsession but couldn't. Perhaps it was too peculiar to have precedence. It gave her a sense of security. Nobody had ever seen her stepping out without an umbrella.

"Carry your lunch Meghna and I want to see you home before it gets dark" – Mrs. Juneja hollered from behind.

"Ok Ma" – She picked up her white umbrella sprawled on it was a queer looking aquamarine flamingo. She rushed out to the bus stop to be just in time for the University special and luckily found a seat. She opened her book as usual. Her fingertip bookmarked 'Competitive advantage of nations' as she lost herself outside the window.

The children from the streets were running about in a frenzy outstretching their arms to test if they could fly. Some of them ran along with the old bicycle tyre they rolled with small branch that had fallen from the trees.

Meghna often wondered what got them that frenzied happiness. Young boys of the neighborhood whizzed past, drunk with the same excitement and frenzy as those street children.

Small leaves and petals from the Gulmohar trees flirted with the multi coloured bougainvillea flowers as they fell like confetti. They rolled and pirouetted in the air and on the roads sometimes as a wave and sometimes as a whirlpool.

"It looks so surreal as if the Gods have a wedding in the heavens."- Meghna thought and smiled to herself. Suddenly she recognized a pall of gloom looming menacingly over this feeling of happiness. It had always been so.

She remembered that cold November evening. She had come back early from Shivani's place for a movie that was planned for the evening. The phone rang and Mrs Juneja all chirpy in her new suit, a touch of vermillion, a brush of lipstick and a spray of cologne rushed to answer it.

"Must be him" – She thought.

"Yes?" – She said with a charming smile which was the perhaps the last time Meghna saw her smile. All her smiles in later years were too feeble to win the status of a smile. The week and year that followed were too heartrending to recall.

The foundation of their life was shaken. Night after nights she heard Mrs Juneja muffling her sobs in the pillow and struggle desperately to get gasps of air. Meghna lay restless all those years by her side never knowing how to grapple with the enormity of the tragedy.

The relatives commiserated for a while but life kept them busy and even their sympathy became too typed to embalm. Meghna detested it, knowing full well that most of them not even remotely understood their misery. Even their show of love came more as a pittance than genuine heartfelt love.

On those visits even after years of that mishap, the relatives knowingly reminded them of it. Meghna found this outrageous. She even snapped at them several times for making her mother relive the hell. Mrs Juneja saw her fighting haplessly with the destiny that they had not written. The society ensured that being a widow and fatherless was certainly not a pleasant scenario.

The will to console people who are tattered from that pedestal of strength was monstrous. Writ clearly on their faces was the satisfaction of doing something noble. Eventually they receded into their own lives. Even tragedies have a shelf life.

All that was left of it were those persistent dark circles under the eyes of Mrs Juneja and Meghna who lived it all like a silent desolate grey movie. The only exceptions were her umbrellas.

More out of habit than in reality Meghna had created walls around her, and Mrs Juneja's concern fortified it. Life was all too restrained until she got a note that afternoon while she poured over Yeats' critique in the library. Scrawled in beautiful cursive hand it read –

"The moving finger writes and having writ moves on. Nor all your piety nor all your wit can make it cancel half line; nor can all you tears wash a word of it – Omar Khayyam.

Come out it is just too amazing out here."

She came out and knew it was Anirvan. She came out of the library and peered down from the balcony, her hair lashing out against her face. It indeed was Anirvan! The tumult of the weather outside caught her within too. Her cheeks flamed like burning coal; her heart throbbed as she looked all around to see if someone had seen all this.

"Nobody. God!" – She sighed.

"What is this" – She spoke in a hushed tone.

"Come down!" – He shouted back.

Scared and hesitant she went down. He gestured her to the back seat of his mobike and hypnotized she followed it. From afternoon till evening they drove on the highway, got wet in the drizzle, stopped at a roadside 'dhaba' to have aaloo parantha's, the scalding skin of which melted the butter in no time.

On her way back Meghna outstretched her arms as she had seen the children do in the morning and knew what gave them that frenzied happiness. The cool rain laden winds hit her face and she breathed it all in to fill in the void of those desolate years.

It was getting dark and Mrs Juneja was standing out on the verandah, visibly concerned.

Anirvan greeted her with a nod of head and held out open Meghna's umbrella. In that one meeting of an eye she saw all the colours of all her umbrellas. Sunset yellow, sunrise orange, flaming claret, rich burgundy, smoked crimson, cherry blossom, strawberry pink

"It won't be necessary anymore." – She whispered and smiled to herself.

It seemed as if aquamarine flamingos on her umbrella blushed and flapped their wings.

खाये जाओ खिलाये जाओ

मूक बड़े मित्र हैं
इन लोमड़ियों और भेडिओं के
उन से भी बड़े मित्र हैं वो
वो मूढ़ बुद्धिजीवी, जो कहते हैं
कुछ हुआ है होगा।

सब सम्मिलित स्वर में बोलो

खाये जाओ खिलाये जाओ
सौ खाओ, हज़ार खाओ, लाख खाओ
खाओ करोड़, हज़ार करोड़ खाओ
खाओ संख, महा संख, डपोर संख खाओ
ब्रह्माण्ड खाओ - खाये जाओ, खिलाये जाओ.
&#&$$#$*(^*^%&%$


कर देने वाला और कर से कर्म वाला
आज मूर्ख बने हैं सब के सब
उतार देने को कमीज़ और पतलून
खड़ा है तैयार , ITR की कतार में।

सब सम्मिलित स्वर में बोलो

खाये जाओ खिलाये जाओ
सौ खाओ, हज़ार खाओ, लाख खाओ
खाओ करोड़, हज़ार करोड़ खाओ
खाओ संख, महा संख, डपोर संख खाओ
ब्रह्माण्ड खाओ - खाये जाओ, खिलाये जाओ.
&#&$$#$*(^*^%&%$

कुछ अलग ध्वनि उठी हैं,उठने दो उन्हें।
"कुछ हुआ है होगा" , कहो.
रगों को भी समय लगता है
सुरों और तालों के संगम में

आओ सब सम्मिलित स्वर में गायें और गाने दें.…
ना खाने देंगे , खिलाने देंगे।

ना खाओ, ना खिलाओ।

Friday, December 20, 2013

Longing lanes of nostalgia

A pier in the open mist of nothingness.
Without our wish, we headed into this.
Only to muse in repose.
The warm sunny lanes,
The longing lanes of nostalgia.

When not in company of solitude

Never looks you in the eyes. As if there is guilt,shame and vulnerabilities to hide. Perhaps there is a fear that you would see the real person in hiding without the cozy affectations, smoke him out and destroy him. Or is afraid to see the deep abyss in the other which would eventually gobble up time, eras and existances of people and personas. Or simply to avoid undressing the spirits of people o...r get undressed by other bold spirits.
Or to respect your privacy and his own, too bashful to challenge the other by asserting his own identity. A shy crab at Marina beach ages ago came closest to what anybody could fathom him as. Would never claw anybody unless his existance is at stake. That's the man when not in the company of solitude.

A wave in the Ocean

Such is the finality of our goodbyes
That never will we meet and see eye to eye.
Time and again you pointed that it’s all fleeting past
But I heard nothing as I juggled faster,faster,fast.

There will always be time we thought
To catch up on our cups of tea
One more chance perhaps, to stir tiny sachets of sugar free.
May be an orange in the winter sun
Or over the guavas from our own tree...


Now that you have turned to ashes
And there isn’t a shard of hope or doubt.
No greetings would have such flourish
Not even your imperious voice

Never would there be such a rain,
Of gushing words of wishes
Never one more hearty rendition
Of the tale that’s been already told….

Such is the finality of our goodbyes...

Now that you are gone
And our chances to meet are none.
Wish you a happy passage, into the state unknown.
Wish you be a zestful wave, in God’s big ocean.

Didi Maa is no more

One leaf after another , Our tree of life withers
What we have tended with care, Is now dry and bare.
What hope and what consolation can I offer
When it all goes up in flames …
You, our times, and our existence
Like a piece of timber on pyre.

Invoking 'Freedom drums of twilight'

When parts of life assume the soft halo…
And solitude has found company in nostalgia,
Whisperings from the other life clink as crytals.
So Say it…Tell us a riveting tale…


Tell us the way it happened, the way it could have…
The way it did and the way it didn’t.
The ‘Freedom drums of twilight’ are about to roll…
Let it find utterance in what ought to be spoken.
A resonance in cosmos that is waiting to be told.

Truth is in not seeking anything at all

In waters of holy Kumbh or precincts of all virtuous Mecca
Or even in God infested Jerusalem.
The multiplicity of identities, is always our unacknowledged face

The face of one man or even that of multitudinous masses.

If black or white or states of binary is what you seek.
You will find a stream of checkered zeroes and ones,
running like beads until you are done.
So embrace the shades of grey, re
vel in quasi-truths.

Seek not absolute, seek neither truth nor God,
in wrinkles of what you shall not and shall.
It would peep and shine from the tattered holes of perception.
Truth is in not seeking anything at all.

Four long hours until we meet again...

We hug and kiss
Say our customary goodbyes
We hold the moment and our gaze
A love story that is daily staged.

Still holding the forlorn gaze
Long enough to last for days.
A flying kiss, a weak smile…...

Eager to fly back the distant mile

You walk ahead as if torn away
By time and by the parting ritual
The mist is waiting to rain as tears
Parting might lose its dense grace

'Come back soon' I murmur
'Yes I will' you mumble
Before the tears and the wailing fuss
I pack you off on your school bus.

Citizens of Nostalgia - Solitude, Orhan & I

Tip toeing on tiny feet
Temporal and transient
Counting on fingers tender
You pass me by with baby steps.
From here to yonder.
 
“I love you , I miss you”
With fondness you whisper
Passing into the other world
On magic trail of butterfly kisses.
The magic link of my dreams,
Is Your toy arm’s embrace.
Preserve I would, for our phone calls in future
When we would be Citizens of nostalgia.
Solitude, Orhan and I.